Has anyone felt like they’re existing in a fog lately? Some days I notice myself going through the motions and barely able to engage in conversation. It feels as if I am wandering through an open field, with mist and fog. Some days I attribute this feeling to being homesick, writer's block, working too much, dehydration, maybe too much coffee or chocolate, etc. It could be all those things paired with the lingering voice in my head asking, “What is it you want?" Or saying, "You're not doing enough to get there."
Recently a friend of mine posted a photo of her beautiful artwork with a caption, “My worth is not determined by my productivity.” WHOAH. I read that over and over and over and it smacked me across the face. Say that out loud to yourself and see how it makes you feel. I think that has been my problem lately! I put so much energy into thinking what I am doing for my music career is not enough. But who’s to say??
With social media and social pressures, it’s so easy to get wrapped up in comparing yourself and questioning who you are. It’s so easy to believe that no one will ever notice you because you don’t look interesting enough or your music isn’t what's "trending." Moving to a new city by myself has really tested my own self-worth and my own definition of who I am as an artist and songwriter. I left Buffalo with confidence, full of excitement to go show Nashville who I was and what I have to offer. Since living here, I’ve realized there’s a whole ocean of artists and musicians that are scratching their way to the top. Some are dripping with talent and many are not. Some are putting out singles every 3 weeks and seem to have no cap to their spending, being able to afford new photos, videos, wardrobes, and studio time. But guess what? That doesn’t matter. Not to me. I’m putting my foot down and I’m not going to compare my journey to anyone else’s. I’m here to sing, and put out good music from the heart, that I am proud of. I’ve worked my ass off for the past 10 years writing and performing and I’m not going to allow social media to make me feel like I have to post a new selfie everyday, or put out a music video every other week in order to be relevant. Just because I'm not doing that doesn't mean I'm not doing anything for my career.
The music industry is a hustlers game. It's not for anyone who can't be told "no," and it's not for anyone who is afraid of hard work. At the same time, the music industry needs artists who are willing to create outside the box and not chase a trend. It needs artists that are willing to be real and raw, and cut through the bullshit. I am one of those artists. I'm not here to fall in line with what the music industry thinks I need to be doing in order to gain an audience. I believe in the music I create and I also believe there's room for me in the game.
Shoutout to all those who are staying true to themselves and creating a product they are proud of. We are the artists and the creators. We are in charge of what we put out. We don't have to follow any standards but our own. And we certainly don't have to be whoring ourselves out on social media to prove we have talent. Do what feels right. Be honest and have fun creating. Ask yourselves what it is you want to gain, and what you are willing to lose. Be authentic and take your time building your empire.
Our worth is not determined by our productivity!